


Lions and Ibiza

by Little_Cello



Series: Complaints [2]
Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Crack, Dialogue-Only, Gen, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2013-04-13
Packaged: 2017-12-08 10:05:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Cello/pseuds/Little_Cello
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys have more to complain about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lions and Ibiza

**Author's Note:**

> Again, all references refer to the fics posted for the whump!bingo at [Lifein1973](http://lifein1973.livejournal.com/), as well as other whump which has recently been posted.

 

“Honestly though – a bloody _lion?_ ”

 

 

 

“Don't worry Sam, no way is it gonna eat yeh.”

 

 

 

“And what, exactly, makes you so sure of that?”

 

 

 

“Well, nothin' worth naggin' off yeh, is there? Yer all skin an' bones an' muscles.”

 

 

 

“Actually, you are right. They should've stuck _you_ into the cage instead of me. Though then again, no, that would be animal abuse.”

 

 

 

“Yer walkin' on thin ice there, Tyler...”

 

 

 

“Oh, come off it, Gene. You'v really got nothin' to complain about, it's _you_ who always gets to play the bloody hero.”

 

 

 

“Oh yeah? What about the one where I bloody well drank meself to death?!”

 

 

 

“After _I_ was shot.”

 

 

 

“If they'd at least bother to make it look realistic.”

 

 

 

“What, the shootin'?”

 

 

 

“No you twonk, my reaction! Like I would go an' pine away like some old bird! An' I can bloody well hold my liquor!”

 

 

 

“... I don't even know what to say.”

 

 

 

“Good!”

 

 

 

“In any case, this can't go on. I've lost count over how often I've been shot, or kidnapped, or clobbered over the 'ead, or –“

 

 

 

“ – or saved by the Gene Genie –“

 

 

 

“ – or got my fingers burned because of a bloody incompetent superior –“

 

 

 

“Oi!”

 

 

 

“ – my point is, we 'ave to do somethin' about this.”

 

 

 

“Like?”

 

 

 

“Like arrestin' these people.”

 

 

 

“Oh, nice one Gladys. An' of course you know exactly where to find 'em, don't you.”

 

 

 

“Well, can't be that hard to find out, can it...”

 

 

 

“And then what? Oh, I know - chop off their writing 'ands!”

 

 

 

“... you're not serious, are you.”

 

 

 

“Do I _look_ like I'm not serious?”

 

 

 

“For Christ's sake, Gene –“

 

 

 

“It was your bloody idea to begin with!”

 

“We can't just – ugh!”

 

 

 

“Tyler?”

 

 

 

“Hang on, I – aghhh, god! – I'll be fine in a mi – oh Christ –“

 

 

 

“At it again, are they.”

 

 

 

“Bloody brilliant deducti— _aaghhh...._ ”

 

 

 

“Well, you _are_ right about one thing – we can't let this continue.”

 

 

 

“Glad... you... agree – GAH! What the _hell_ are they doing this time?!”

 

 

 

“I think the lion's back.”

 

 

 

“WHAT?!”

 

 

 

“Yeah... yeah, it's the lion. Bloody hell.”

 

 

 

“Oh, god, I can't – y'know, any bloody time you wanna turn up and bloody shoot the damned beast is bloody fine by me!”

 

 

 

“I can't do a bleedin' thing, you know that!”

 

 

 

“I – argh – conveniently forgot.”

 

 

 

“Just... there. Done.”

 

 

 

“God...”

 

 

 

“... y'know, Ibiza sounds like a nice place.”

 

 

 

“Please spare me, Gene.”

 


End file.
